Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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