just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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