Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Acid is not a monday night drug
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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