i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
