I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
