3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
