how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
