Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
