Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Randomize
