when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
