Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
