No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Randomize
