the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
