Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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