Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
