I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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