i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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