i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
