I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Mom said you looked used
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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