Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
