I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
