I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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