I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
