Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
