really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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