Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
