I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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