You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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