do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
