You smell like a Billy Joel song
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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