it was like his penis was on wheels.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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