He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
