I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I think I died a long time ago.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
