The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
