if i can run in heels then i can drive
I could make wine with my vomit
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
