I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
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Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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