the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Randomize
