I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So. Much. Porn.
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