Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
