I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
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The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
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i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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