Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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