That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
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Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
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I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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