Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
