Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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