Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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