thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
