i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Boobs speak an international language.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
