i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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