in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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