She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
