I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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