I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just gift wrapped bread.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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