There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
