Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
