His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
