you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
