Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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