can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
