Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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