i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
