she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
