For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
